this was longer than I anticipated

I'm not sure where the urge to blog came from, I guess there's just a lot of thoughts swimming around in my head. I'm afraid i'll forget them? So into the jumbled mess that is my head, it's 6:16pm on tuesday and I'm full to the brim and ready to spill:

I need to remember to watch The Usual Suspects and The Blood Diamond ..several reliable ( as in, I trust they're judgement of my likes and dislikes and/or they have great taste) sources have insisted that I snag them from blockbuster, so I'm going to get on that this week......edit: and that movie Nathan keeps talking about, something about heavy and light things....it's French? His taste in foreign films is pretty impeccable, and unlike Jake (sup Ichi the Killer) I have never been disappointed in a selection. Thoughts on the title are appreciated...

Work....I have mixed feelings about it. Got another raise today, that's cool...but I also had to face my manager about coming in late yesterday ( mental head slap) and she took that as an avenue to "evaluate my skills".........in all reality the whole thing is a catch 22 of sorts. My customer service is off the charts, literally, which is awesome I guess, but how hard is it to chit-chat and be social? People are generally receptive to light conversation so it blows my mind that I'm leading the store in customer comments by a landslide. It's quite simple. Ask questions, listen and actually care, and answer honestly if asked any questions. That's all. People look for you to let down your "Everything peachy, I'm just going to take your order and smile" wall, so give in! Its therapeutic for both parties. Anyway, the comment was made that although it's very busy and I am doing great at keeping super fresh coffee brewing constantly and keeping the pastrie case filled and pristine, it's been noticed that I neglect to get very many side jobs done. *sigh* this is really frustrating, because 8 times out of ten I work a busy shift, which pretty much means I have a steady stream ( or line to the door ) of customers from the minuet I walk in to the minuet I clock out. I never stop doing things that need to be done immediately, so the things that are "sometime today" sort of tasks get shoved aside. Now i could, technically speaking, neglect customers a bit and get behind on stocking in order to do some of these, but then the evaluation would knock that for sure. It just sucks when they're telling you there's a problem and I need to work on it, yet for the life of me I can't figure out how to fix it. Lets just hope its slow the next few shifts, then i can clean like a demon and get some brownie points.

The girls at work have been AMAZING. I'm sort of down in the dumps a little, so unless I'm busy or distracted my mind starts to dwell on a recent break up, which well, screws me on the happy scale. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll be better because of it, and who knows, i may have even learned somethings about myself, but it still sucks. I guess the first real one's always a hard thing to get over, but even more than that I'm feeling like i lost the friend I had in him too. Talk about a heart break or what? So as I'm getting through that ( obnoxious) stage where my heart skips a beat when I see a 6 on Veterans ( and then instantly feel bummed beyond belief) and even the dumbest things can make my eyes well up a bit, all of the girls I work with have been a rock. The advise, and pep-talks ( which always work on me), the hugs, the distractions they provide - it means everything to me.

Which brings me to Jake. I...didn't really make a lot of time for him when I was wrapped up in that relationship...I didn't really make a lot of time for anyone. ( even me? does that make sense?) And yet he was always there when i needed him... and now, more than ever, I'm so glad he knows me. In a perfect world Syracuse and buffalo would be close to here, and then I'd be surrounded by people who know how to handle me when I've lost sight of whats important, however I'll never be that lucky. Jake though, wow. He just knows what to do with me, whether i just need to cry/talk/bitch/reason/ask questions I already know the answers to and he just needs to listen, or I need to be shaken by the shoulders to throw some sense into me, or even just distract me from all of it by pulling me into his group of friends where horseplay and sarcasm rule all. Going to the movies with them tonight, went night swimming last night....they're great, and I'm excited.

Fourth of July. I would love to get on the water for the fireworks, but the slight hitch in that plan is the depressing lack of water anywhere near here. Screw you Illinois, get a lake. Or 50. I want to see fireworks, or course, because I usually miss them ( Thanks Canada. way to be a Debby Downer), but as of now I have no plans. Which sucks.

my cell phone. i hate it. next topic.

I've been looking into rowing in Peoria twice a week, just for kicks, because I need something to do with myself, I'm getting itchy just...being here. I could race this weekend in Storm Lake IA, but 7 hours is a lot of gas money I don't have. I'm really really bummed and don't want to think about how I could be racing this weekend.
Reminds me, I'm psyched about the REC trips and Ultimate Frisbee on Tuesdays and Sundays at chiddix.

My hair's too light and my cheeks are pink. I need to cool it with this sun thing.

I'm hooked on this sweet Jason miraz CD I found. It's him playing in a coffee shop somewhere, and although the quality is crappy and the sound sucks a bit, it's pretty legit and I'm addicted. Oh Jason, marry me.

I still run. I still hate it. Everything's fitting nicer though, can't complain too much.

I'm going to buy a fish soon. Or something.

I'm looking at ISU more as a portal to another school, which is funny, because to some people, ISU is "the goal " Gross, not me. I'm going to throw myself into next year and then transfer, I need to get out of this town.

Still thinking about racing with Perkins for Rochester, I guess he's freed up a bit and so if i can get there we're golden. It's just money's a bitch, as always. Excited about nationals.

I think I'm going with my family to Peak n Peak. I no longer have a good reason to stay here and cause a bunch of problems ( other than work... which in and of itself is Almost worth it.) I'm starting to think that maybe it'll be good for me. Hard to say though, there's no doubt Ill be really lonely and have far too much time by myself to think about ....all the things I've been trying not to think about. Plus, you have to keep up the "everythings perfect" facade with this part of the family, which will be tough. Who knows though. Maybe things will be better in a week.


Alright....i'm sure i'm forgetting something. But for now, that's all. I apologize for the horrific attempt at good grammar and complete thoughts, but like i said this is all just flowing out of my fingertips as i think it.

I'm off to shower and head to Jake's. good kid.

It blew my mind when i found out Cow Tails were candy, not Off Brand Beef Jerky

Wellll. I would like to adress a few things here.

I would like to start by thanking Hearltand for deisgning they're computer lab so that the girl two computers down from me can't read over my shoulder. You guys rock. remind me to write you into my will so i can donate money in order to replace the ugly hat on that statue-man on the wall. (Heatlanders, you know the one i mean...he sort of naps on the wall there behind you, forever suspended by a few hooks and a lack of general purpose anywhere else in the building)

I think it should be written into the rules somehwere between "no shirt, no shoes, no service" (and to the guy that coined that importal phrase; well i'll write you into my will for a new hat too. ) and "no pets" that you should avoid smelling like curry. At all costs. I mean really, have you ever heard anyone say, " Mmmmm i smell curry! Do you smell that? God i just want to smell that for hours on end. "

And hey! while we're at it lets add "Deoderant is a MUST" right after "no pets".

So in any event, as this deceptively lovely girl is asphixiaiting the entire population of students who blew off highschool and are paying for it now, all i can do is watch her munch on a cow tails. Notice the plural form of "tail" there, because i think she's plowed through 15 or 1 of them. for those of you unfamaliar with CowTails, they're in the check out lane of the grocerie store and in a white wrapper with a cow jumping over a moon. essentially If you were to stretch a Gomez Carmel Creme thing (that my grandma always keeps in her purse) until it screamed in agony, thats what a cow tail is. Honeslty though, up until about 1 year ago i was convinced they were a byproduct of Slim Jims. MMMM refined cow parts.

It BLEW my mind when i found out these were Not the offspring of unruly beef jerky sticks and Aldi brand Spam. Go figure.

march 26

Crap. The instant i wrote the date i realized i forgot to ask off work for when chris comes home and that mid-april weekend. Awesome.

Im glad i have pretty much no money (after going on a late night juice escapade....i'm down to 2 bucks and 87 cents.)and yet i'm still shopping online. I really really really need a new pair of raingear pants. Two years ago they were lookin pretty short and "broken in" i suppose is a delicate way to put it.... but now...WOW. mind you they do fit, they're just, oh i dunno, 8 inches too short. sweet. plus the vinel is rubbed off the knees and anywhere my harness rubs on it....so basically they serve no purpose. Fabulous. No normally this woudln't be very problematic, HOWEVER i have two regattas quickly approaching and let me tell you, if we flip the boat i WILL freeze to death. Average water temp in may? when sometimes its still snowing? Oh...i dunno, maybe 40 degrees if i'm lucky. In any event, although i do plan to wear a "longie" body glove insted of and one of my cherished "shorties", raingear pants are pretty much a necessity unless may 17 decides to rock my world with some 75 degree weather. So dad. love of mine. check this http://www.pointlomaoutfitting.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Store_Code=JSGCA&Category_Code=RON

OK! moving right along! i need to step it up with the weight loss. Blah blah keep your coments to yourself, i'm sick of being fat too. But matt, darling, if you put on one more pound i will take it upon my self to start cutting off your body parts that i deem unnessessary. I mean i know i bitched about having tp put ona few inthe first place, but now that it finally gets to come off i'm finding it slow going. SO now im joining the millions of americans in the "race to weight loss"

except im gonna win. whores.

And ok. enough about the facebook status. really. yes i wonder too. but who cares. it's small potatoes.


ok, time to get some work done.

foolproof plan

*names have been changed to protect identities <--- haha just like in readers digest

So the latest-

I'm super bummed about not going to see the hockey game on friday. Why, you ask? Well Amtrack's a group of bitches and because this weekend's spring break and all of the students get kicked out of the dorm, they jacked up the prices....like 220%. Sweet. However! I was able to snag the last few tickets for BF* and me, we're going to chi-town for the day. Not sure what the game plan is beyond that, but we have the whole day to blow and we're creative kids so i'm sure we'll have a blast. Honestly i woudl be perfectly content just walking a ton, maybe getting lost, finding some hole-in-the-wall - who knows.
Spent far too much time on the phone with Jack Sparrow*, i mean really, how long can you talk about nothing? He chitchatted about his plans for this weekend and his lack of motivation to do his english, got nostalgic about a song on the radio ("our"song. oh honey. move on.... i just played dumb and changed the subject) and i sort of jetted around my room doin a quick clean up. I also cleaned out my monster of a purse and really just thought about who i'd rather be on the phone with. ( BF - no suprise there. even listening to 4 second voicemails he leaves has me grinning for half an hour ) CJS is probably my best friend though, so hopefully in time things will be 100% back to normal.
The Protector* called today just to inform me that he and his other half might be free tomorrow night. I'm pretty sure he feels terrible about the fact that they've consistantly been blowing me off the past 2 months - with the exception of lunch last week. Well i miss them both. Hope that the rest of the lunch table, or at least the townies, can make it out too. not Tall Tree*. as much as i miss him, he can feel free to not come. I'm a jerk, whatever.
I have a pretty big exam for psyk tomorrow, we'll see how it goes....which reminds me i really should be studying for that...
Teken*s been on my mind a lot lately, he wants me to visit. We'll see. He's really been a rock lately, andi find that he's the only complete support i've got in regards to my relationship status with BF*. Go figure. OO on that note he's comming home for spring break, and i'm totally psyked.
Hope that Scarlet Begonia's is feeling better soon, i'm so stoked to see her over break and get in some hookah.

So here's to hoping this week flies by without a hiccup, the weekend is going to be the best i've had in a long time. I can't wait to do nothing with him, you have no idea.

love always,
the one starlet ( with the flowers in her hair*)

"there's a light on in Chicgao, and i know i should be home...but all the colors of the street signs - they remind me of the pick up truck out in front of your neighbors house..."

Love, i'm sorry, Our Beach will have to wait.

you always were the boy of a thousand words
so sing to me
-about me-
and i'll promise not to notice

Remember when that camera flashed?
we both smiled so hopelessly
and though honey eyes and sad lips betray
(they always do),
I was faking.

your cheeks are too rosy
like someone pinched them
our famaliar rope-burns
evidence of carelessness and distraction

your right shoe is untied and
your mothers ring is on my favorite finger
you grab my shoulders and
a bold voice and calloused hands plead-
"neither sun nor moon can tear us apart"

you laugh at my wide eyes and crooked smile
i laugh at your bare feet and silly dreams
you have such silly dreams

sand on my cheek clings relentlessly
-the fatal kiss of summer-
and the last day hums its desperate melody
there's no fooling us now

i never imagined it this way

I'm on a hunt- A quest really- to find a few things.

1) The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
2) My burberry glasses
3) Crack the case- nevermind, thank you chris
4) White Squall
4) My old blue cell phone
5) Holy crap, there's two number fours.
6) My favorite 2nd favorite sunglasses, my visor, my right sailing glove, 40 shackles and about 60 billion pins. ( check lakes and oceans. )
7)That pink bra
8) My ipod wall charger
9) The 30,000 socks my dryer ate
10) Those blue adidas flip flops ( beach )


...to be continued

Don't read this. It's not a blog

Ok. So i save important things in like 50 billion places so that when i'm not at my computer i can still work on them/print them/find them. I need to finish this up and polish it up tomorrow morning during my 8am, and don't know where my flash drive is, therefor i'm emailing it to myself twice and throwing it up here just to be sure. i repeat: DON"T FREAKIN READ>>> it's not interesting or a good representation of my writing ability. I'll post a real blog later.



Kindergarten: The word immediately brings to mind clumsy construction paper cutouts and the smell of Elmer’s glue. For just a second you are transported to a world where there is play-dough perpetually under your fingernails and permanent smelly marker stains on your desk. Success and happiness are defined with a bright sticker on a worksheet or extended recess. A fresh box of crayons is the ultimate reward and the golden rule is law. Unfortunately, due to the simple uniformity of standardized tests and pressure from new academic standards, your memories of kindergarten may be radically different from your children’s memories. In the 2003 article Why is Kindergarten an Endangered Species?, Kathy Morris and Linda Plevyak investigate the changes that have taken place in the last couple of decades that have our kindergartener’s concerned with memorizing “sight” words and learning subtraction.
The article explains that ever since that fateful day when standardized test scores were used not as broad generalizations of our youth but as a tool for measuring absolute academic standards, teachers have been feeling the “backward domino effect”. First and second grade teachers nationwide began to feel pressure to cover higher level material in order for students to score higher on the third grade standardized achievement test, thus displacing the strain onto kindergarten teachers. And why shouldn’t they feel pressure? In the long run it’s these scores that determine how much money is coming to the school. As the “jam as much as we can, as fast as we can” mentality infects elementary schools nationwide, kindergarten teachers are left wondering if four and five year olds should really be able to master the sight-word recognition, phonics, and math skills that used to be covered in first grade.
Teachers are not the only ones on the burner, because in recent years the heat has been turned up on parents. According to the article, parents that observed modern kindergarten programs often left feeling as if their child was “not ready” for this warped kind of primary education. However, instead of questioning the establishment and the practices thereof, the parents would be left deliberating whether or not to wait another year or just enroll in an “academic preschool”. The result was crops of kindergarteners that were older, more socially mature, taller, heavier, and inevitably, bored. The article states that by third grade there is very little evidence to suggest that the extra year at home “prepping” for kindergarten had any positive benefit to the cognitive development of the child. On the contrary, these “super kindergarteners” were significantly more likely to engage in dangerous sexual and alcohol related behaviors in later years.
School districts nationwide have enormous amounts or pressure to define “kindergarten readiness”. In the past few decades the focus has changed from advancing the social, emotional, and cognitive development, in order to better ready a child for elementary school to a distorted system that revolves around teaching to the test and

...with free nights and weekends

It's the most amazing thing; how the very moment we hang up I have this overwhelming urge to call you back for no reason at all

Fun fact of the day:


The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.


Good. sounds like IU is full of bright people.

HAH

This seen when stumbling today:

Cathy: America's Sweat-heart

Cathy has been in the funny pages for over 25 years. I don't know if she'll ever fit into that stupid bikini, and I don't really care. What I'm possessed by is just how much she sweats. Frankly, I'm worried about her.
Whenever I happen to see a Cathy strip in the paper, she's not just sweating, she is projectile sweating. Beads of perspiration are literally launching themselves off of her head like tiny suicide jumpers. I'm convinced she has some sort of disorder. It is not normal for one to be sweatier than Oprah's thong on a daily basis.
I looked up "heavy sweating" on WebMD and what Cathy has is a condition called "hyperhidrosis." According to this medical website: "If you find yourself sweating all the time, and all over -- not just on your palms, soles, and underarms -- it may be a sign of a serious illness like tuberculosis, some kind of cancer, or thyroid disease. Talk to a doctor immediately. "
HOLY CRAP, CATHY! Put down that pint of Haagen Dazs and get your soggy ass to an emergency room!
I was curious as to just how much good ol' "Cath" was sweating it up, so I bought one of her compilation books and worked up some statistics.

The book contained 330 comic strips. 312 were 4-panel weekday strips, and 18 were full-page Sunday strips. Of the 312 daily strips, Cathy sweated in at least 1 panel 124 times! Wow. On any weekday there is a 39.7% chance Cathy will sweat like a beast. Cathy, seriously. The hospital. Go.

Sundays are usually associated with relaxation. Not for Cathy the Human Sweat Shop. With the additional panels in a Sunday comic, the chances of Cathy getting wet rise dramatically. Of the 18 Sunday comics I checked, she turned on the waterworks 12 times, for a whopping total of 66.7%.

"But Steve, doesn't she sweat more in some strips than others?" Why, yes. She does! Above is a breakdown of how many panels in a weekday strip Cathy will sweat (in those strips where sweating occurs.)
The majority of the time it's only in 1 panel, but on the rarest of occasions she will actually be sweating in ALL OF THEM. In the competitive world of Watching Cathy Sweat, this is the grand slam. It's the holy grail. And when it happens, I can't help but think to myself, "Wow, it's gonna be a great day."
Oh, and "Cathy's got tuberculosis and now she's gonna die."

- the sneeze.com

As long as we're talking about comics, I have a beef with family circus. The kids never get older or smarter, and nothing of substance ever hits the strip.Really though, when the 50th aniversery rolled around last year all i could think was "Family circus: wasting a fantastical amount of ink for half a decade". I mean it would be a lot more interesting if when the kid with creepy hair asked his dike-ish mom "where do babies come from" she replied with " Beats me. Your adopted" insted of the sickeningly conservative "babies are presents delivered by angels to mommies and daddies everywhere." And really, i'm sure i would become an avid reader if they went through a nasty divorce or one of the ugly little kids rebeled.

"mommy, why does ( insert name of kid with creepy hair) have cuts on his wrists?" "because mommy and daddy won't let him have a boyfriend sweetheart"

This is a call to action! Never again must we expend precious energy rolling our eyes at the watered down religious witisisms that infect the lower corner of the comics page. I chose the work "infect" because it seems to have ruined marmaduke of the years, along with mary worth and whatever other shortlived comics reside in the bottom fifth of the page. I mean, Rhymes with Orange had a llot of potential, but did it have the power and maturity ( 3 months compared to the 50 yrs of family circus) to survive the vicious epidemic that was ravaging the bottom of the paper? I think not, and now you'll notice it has perished all together. For the sake of comics everwhere we must put a stop to somber comics! I don't want to read about life lessons, i want to laugh damnit, and Family circus has stolen this simple pleasure from americans everywhere. Something must be done.

hey you. and you and you

i really hope everyone has at least a few people that can make them feel like they're important. among other things. see below:
relevant
gorgeous
unforgettable
funny
loved
thought-of
missed
crazy................ to the You's that make my world spin, i love you. you have carried me through everything and you should know that i will do anything for you, just say the word. I'll never know what you see in me but i only hope that someday i can make some fraction of the impact to you that you have made in my life. when you
answer your phone no matter what time
sing to me
talk about nothing for hours
are silent
are over protecive
ask for help
give advise
drag me kicking and screaming through fast dreams
hold my hair back when i'm sick
pick me up when i'm scared and stranded
include me in your family
give me your toothbrush
look out for me
trust me
bring by soup when i'm sick
remember the little things
know me better than i know myself............ i absolutely melt.

stumble upon..... <3

please, stay off the tracks.

I dreamed a train was created
for those with our hearts in far away places
the conductor
he lifs his hat and smiles a broken smile
but by then you've signed at the x
i give him 10 of my days, just peeled them off
my old age not yet lived
-thats what made the train run, you see-
what good were they to me anyway with out you here
and the Stealer of Days shouted all aboard

that's the problem with girls like me
we simply tear off pieces of our heart and wrap them in yellow paper
then give the pieces to any passing stranger with
laughing eyes and a forgettable smile
but when they leave and forget
the pieces go missing-lost
but not forgotten
remembered but not loved

so i'm afraid i'll be taking the train tonight
to visit the piece i gave you
I dream that soon the headlines will read
"Romatics die younger than ever before"
you see the train becomes our home and the conductor our friend
and we are a careless generation
we spend the weeks in stations
trading our hours 10 10 10 10
all addicted to that hiss of stream

at night we visit all of the pieces we carelessly gave away
and wonder how it would have been if we had kept them

The side effects of this fantasic addiction
infect us when it storms
Now i only sleep when it's raining because the train wont come
if the tracks are wet
and baby it's three Am and i'm lonely
the rains comming down
the train's not comming
and i'm sick of blaming you

take three

I just want to get it on the table right now that there were many things that i should have done for tomorrow that i completely neglected to do. I feel guilty but there's no point in getting worked up about it, am I right?

As far as sharing any thoughts on today, i would like to point out how not once, but twice today i got hell for using a baby sock to encase my 3rdgen Nano. Really people?! Really? it's the perfect size, and to be quite frank i just didn't feel the need to drop 30 bucks on a stupis piece of rubber.

More tomorrow....i just can't get used to this. I have nothng to say, i guess i'm kind of in a crappy mood.....as you can tell by my above ramblings i'm sort of scatter brained and jut a tad pissy. ( On that note, i did pass a drug test today...for someone else. good thing we're friends, girl.) How do i post pictures on here? And why won't the spell check icon work? jfkdajfkl;jfdkl;jakfldjkslafjkdls Goodnight.

round two- FIGHT

Dear Diary,
Honest to God, when i typed "round two" all i could here was that ominous voice that booms out of you tv when you're playing old school teken... he says "round two....FIGHT" and suddenly your controller is un-frozen and eddy starts thowing air punches and you're like "FUCK this is it!".....that last run-on sentence was completely lost on anyone who never played teken as a kid...I guess you could relate it to how when you here some one yell "STOP" all you can think is "collaborate and listen"

So. Ho humm what to talk about. Well tonight i was super depressed (we'll talk about why in a bit) so i went to my friend Ryans house and played with our friends' (mikey and steph) new pitbull puppy, and good god is he adorable. Seriously, i was rediculously bummed out and then WHAM we played and he fell asleep in my hand. Absolutley adorable.

SO here's the deal, diary. [lemmie just get this on the table right now, before this relationship goes any further, diary, anything i say doesn't leave this blog. do we understand each other? Secrets are secrets. I mean, you wouldn't want me "sharing with the class" your innate self-esteem issues due to having shitty fonts, right?] Once upon a time there was a girl. She's flighty and jaded and a hopeless romantic all at once. Go figure. And there's this boy. He's handsome and athletic and likes fast cars almost as much as she does. She's known him for years but only the past year or so have they hung out. At one point or another he got this crazy idea in his head that he was absolutely crazy about her. [ No, i know, I have no idea what he was thinking] Well for the longest time she tried to convince him that she was a terrible person and didnt possibly, couldn't possibly let him take her out, date her, etc. Although those things are true, the real honest to god truth is that she was scared; scared of letting go of an old relationship, scared of getting hurt, scared of getting attached, scared of letting it turn into a relationship that as bad for her i.e. friends with benifits (never ever ever EVER again.) , juts scared. [blahblahblah, cliche' but fuck you, diary, cause i'm trying to tell a story.] Well girl feels bad for being such a jerk to boy, but knows its for the best. After all, he'll get over her and find another girl who's worth his effort. Time passes. Girl thinks about boy a lot, feels uneasy about her origional decision. After all. He makes her laugh, they always have a blast, he's crazy handsome, he brought her flowers (TWICE)....MOre time passes. Boy leaves. Boy gets hurt, Girl is veryveryvery concerned. Boy comes home to recover, but girl can only stop over once or twice. (She's busy, ok? still...) Boy leaves. This girl, its the weirdest thing, she just gives up fighting it. They start to talk alot more and she feels like she can tell him anything. But then....the boy starts to explain ( in the most exquisit, perfect details) how he is still head-over-heals for this girl.

And insted of flipping out and looking for excuses why it couldn't work, she falls. Oh, did she fall. She fell for the way he would laugh at her voice-mails, the way he said her name, the way he could talk her from angry tears into laughter. She fell for the way he was so competitive, the way he had a passion that was so similar to hers, the way he said "I miss you" every time they talked, the way he called her every night for no reason at all, the way she hung on to the fact that she would try and fight sleep just to hear him on the other line. She fell.

and then suddenly he was comming home just to see her, and oh my gosh! what is she going to do with her hair? what exactly did he say about those eyelashes? Should she change her clothes? dress up? dress down? .....panic sets in...
what if he changes his mind? its possible, probable even....and really, wouldn't that be ironic? After he chases her for..how long? She finally falls, he finally wins, and that was it? the chase was all he ever wanted?

the weekend was a whirlwind of crappy nicholas cage dialogue and kissing and goofing around and grandparents and firetrucks- it was awesome. but not quite what she expected. She's afraid he's done, that it really was the chase he wanted after all, or that she looks different or acted different than he expected. So the boy leaves and the girl trys not to sniff (she's bummed) he won't be comming home anytime soon and visiting sounds like an inconvenience for him. She had just started to believe all those things he said, but then it feels like he doesn't anymore.

Boy calls girl. He doesn't say " I miss you."

Girl sighs.

Honestly i haven't heard the rest of the story yet ( if there is more), but gimme some feedback. 'Cause diaryblogjournal, i don't know how this ends but i'm sure you have some ideas.
Goin to bed in a bit, i'm going to put away some laundry and facebook real quick, then head to bed. Oh, and call matt back, i blew him off when chris called. ( sorry kid. i know your just trying to be that brother i need so much, but on nights like this i can't talk to you about things, ok?)
take it easy diary.

Dear diary?

This is bizzarre. I'm not sure who to write to. I suppose this was always an issue for me as a kid, i never was the girl with the diary. Mind you, i would always try to start one, but i felt that in order for the reader to really see what i was like i had to first tell me whole life story. Thus i was bored with the process before i even got to age 11. If i had a nickle for every 6 page diary in my closet...
However. I'm going to give this a shot.

I made a discovery today. As you all well know (who am i talking to??) I have a knee issues. Which really isn't very fair, i mean look at how i've taken care of them as they carried me from class to class and coast to coast. Those disobediant wrecks. In any event- by the end of the day today they were quite sore, and up until about forty minuets ago I was limping around like some deranged pirate. And thats when my life changed. Mom ( what a dear) handed me a glorious tube of BIOfreeze. Ok, i was skeptical. Really, what good could some blue topical crap POSSIBLY do for me? Holy. Amazing. Batman. It actually worked! Actually i'm sure they're still sore, but it feels like......you know that freezing sensation when you get toothpaste in your eye? that's how my knees feel. Like i want to take a bath in this stuff, it's SO sweet.

well um.. i dont really know what else to say.